Hi and welcome to my latest blog post.
You might remember my blog post titled “What to do with the should do / have to / must do’s”, if not you can read it by clicking the title.
I am a bit of a rebel – healthy rebellion and within reason! – when it comes to society or people in my life telling me how I should do things.
Even if it’s things like “you should be eating better”, well thanks for the sentiment, but I need to come to that realisation myself so I can be congruent and in tune with myself and actually achieve this “eating better” that you tell me about.
It is even more poignant when people say things like “you have to be helpful even if you’re tired”, “why are you saying no to me when you used to always say yes”, and more like that.
If I’m helpful to everyone even if I’m tired, I will resent myself and others and be even more tired and less able to help anybody else!
If I say yes all the time, I’m denying myself much needed alone time or time to regroup and be on my own.
Anthony Delaney writes a don’t do list that adds to what I’ve written about above. I’ll leave a few bullet point messages I took away from reading this book a few years ago. You can read more by clicking on the link.
- Don’t be afraid of commitments
Fearing commitment to a person, a task, ourselves, will stop us from achieving those things that are within our grasp to achieve.
We all have amazing strengths and resources to tap into to improve our lives and relationships, and sometimes to improve the lives of others too! This is one of the reasons I wrote and published my book.
Having goals will help us make those commitments and challenge those things that are stopping us from moving forward and achieving them.
We might need to challenge some of the people in our lives that frighten us into thinking “what if it all goes wrong” and keeping us from trying and stepping out of our comfort zones.
We might also need to challenge our own thoughts – asking “am I good enough?” or impostor syndrome might kick in.
Challenge negative self-talk and self-beliefs, either with yourself, with a friend or with a therapist, and help yourself move forward with what is growing inside of you!
Fear of losing what we have could be another thing stopping us from setting goals or committing to achieve them. This point is all about priorities, which is a whole ‘nother blog post in itself!
- You are not alone
Support groups in general, and those popping up on Facebook and other forums, like my 20 Self-Care Habits group, are there to remind us that we are not alone in our suffering, our struggles, or our joys!
Being with like-minded individuals allows us to realise that we are not on our own.
We can be real with ourselves and others because others are allowing themselves to do the same!
Also, when you voice your opinion or struggle in one of these groups, you are being an example for someone else.
It is so reassuring to know that we are not the only ones in a particular situation, and that we can help each other!
- I don’t have to please everyone
It goes without saying that I agree with this point and in fact encourage you to re-consider your reasons for wanting to please everyone.
It might be a deeply rooted way of being. Exploring it and figuring out how to change your mindset – if you want to change it – to freeing yourself from the need to please everyone, might be a great gift to yourself and those around you.
We’ve all heard the phrase “you can’t pour out of an empty cup”. This is so true!
If I run out of energy or people-pleasing fuel, how am I going to keep giving? I’m going to burn out and end up depressed or anxious or something else.
Make sure you take time to regroup and re-energise. It’s about you too!
- I don’t have to worry if someone rejects me
Now, keeping with the cups theme – we are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
We won’t be liked by everyone. And that’s absolutely fine.
Think about this: do you like everyone you’ve ever met? did someone come up in your mind when you read this bit?
Ok then. You don’t like everyone. Not everyone will like you either.
- I don’t have to feel guilty
This last point has a few things that we need to learn how to stop feeling guilty about:
for looking after myself
for setting boundaries
for doing things my way
for not being in control of everything
being real instead of pretending to be someone I’m not
losing my temper or keeping cool in difficulty
not having it all
not having all the anwers
not meeting everyone else’s needs
In his introduction, Delaney says he wrote this book to help his readers “slow down, relax, enjoy life”.
I hope this post has helped trigger your thoughts about how to achieve this in your life.